Looking Into My Mirror
by Ronelle
Summary: Beth had always looked like Quinn... until she started to look like Lucy. Beth wants to impress the gorgeous glamorous Quinn, Quinn wants to help Beth be beautiful, Puck wants Quinn, and Shelby doesn't want anyone to get hurt. But when body image gets in the way, their family will fall apart. Because Lucy Caboosey can't be reborn, not in Quinn's perfect thing.
1. When Beth met Quinn, and Quinn saw Lucy

_Lucy walked through the halls, anonymous; she blended into the background unnoticed. _

_"Holy crap, she got fatter over vacation, I didn't think that was possible." said the head cheerleader, Monique with a maniacal laugh._

_Lucy's insides burnt with anger. She hated Monique. She hated everyone in this dump and most of all she hated herself._

It was quite obvious when four year old Beth stood next to Shelby that they weren't biologically related. Beth was a slight toddler with an eager smile, blonde hair, green eyes and a classical beauty. Shelby was a slim, a charming smile, dark brown hair, brown eyes and, well, a bit of a big nose.

Beth knew she was adopted; she'd even met her birth parents. Mostly she hung out with Puck, when he was in the neighbourhood, he taught her how to play guitar and showed her his screen play before he sent it off to the production company. Admittedly she'd only met Quinn a couple of times but it was obvious where Beth got her looks from.

Until Beth went through puberty.

When Beth was eight, she starting being a bit chubby. She didn't become obese overnight. She just found she had a lot more puppy fat, and she couldn't exercise it off. Shelby told her it was natural, and not to worry, when she had a growth spurt she'd soon stretch out. Some kids told Beth she was a fat, and that she needed to lose weight. But Beth didn't care; at least she didn't think she did.

When Beth was eleven, she starting having break-outs. Little red bumps would emerge all over her t-zone, and her skin was often oily. Beth was careful to wash her face with expensive face wash, but it didn't stop her being spotty. Some kids called her pepperoni face; others said she had a disease. But Beth didn't care; well she pretended she didn't at least.

When Beth was twelve, the dentist referred her to an orthodontist. Who told her she needed a Brace to sort put her over bite. A month later he clamped a wire on her top and bottom teeth, it was horribly uncomfortable. Beth struggled to speak, the brace made her lisp badly, and she couldn't sing as well as she used to. Some kids called her train trackers and metal mouth. But Beth didn't care… That's a lie, Beth cared. Beth cared so much.

When Beth was fourteen, she was spotty, she was chubby, and she had braces. She was a million miles away from the pretty little blonde toddler. And she was a million miles away from the glamorous Quinn, who Beth hadn't seen since she was a little blonde toddler. But tomorrow Beth was going with Shelby to visit Quinn, who was surely going to take one look on the plain Beth and turn away.

Quinn wouldn't understand. Why would someone so beautiful understand?

Beth sat in the passenger seat of the car, She was very nervous. She hadn't seen Quinn since she was five. Now Quinn had bumped into Shelby in town and the two had agreed to meet up. Beth wasn't nervous about seeing her 'real mum' she was nervous about her 'real mum' seeing her.

Beth hated how she looked. She hated it so much, and she wanted to impress Quinn. She wanted to be that bubbly, pretty little girl filled with energy, she wanted Quinn to hear her sing and play guitar, and she wanted Quinn to be proud. But Beth was shy and nervous, she daren't sing in case she lisped so badly that the words slurred together, and she didn't want to just play guitar without singing. There was no way Quinn would be proud of that.

Shelby smiled at her daughter,

"Don't you worry, Quinn will love you… Quinn does love you." Shelby tapped Beth gently on the shoulder.

"I-I'm not scared, I see Puck all the time, Rachel takes me shopping, why shouldn't Quinn be different." Beth frowned; it made so much sense, but why wasn't it true?

"Look you haven't seen Quinn in ages, and she hasn't seen you. It's natural if you're a bit nervous."

"I'm fine." Beth smiled. Wow those acting classes were paying off.

The car purred into a car park, and Beth got out. She patted her hair, making sure it was looking nice; she spent an extra hour getting ready this morning, choosing her clothes carefully, and gently teasing her hair into tousled waves. Shelby locked the car and the two set off.

"You're quiet today," Shelby observed, "Are you sure you're not nervous?"

"It's just so much has changed," Beth admitted, "what if Quinn doesn't like me anymore."

"Beth! Quinn loves you, she always has, she always will."

"How do you know that?" Beth challenged.

"Because I didn't see Rachel for sixteen years, and I didn't stop loving her for sixteen years. You and Quinn are tied together, you're family."

"But she's not my mum…"

Shelby pondered for a while, "I'm your mum, but Puck and Quinn are ever present in your life, they'll always be there for you. You have one mum, but three parent figures."

"I love you -_third parent figure_\- I mean _mum_," Beth joked.

Shelby laughed, "I love you too."

Beth sat down at the table, scanning he menu, and sipping on diet coke. Shelby looked at her watch impatiently.

"Where is Quinn?"

"What?" Beth frowned.

"She's late." Shelby grumbled.

"Actually, I'm just on time." A voice form behind Beth interrupted their conversation.

Beth turned around immediately. Quinn smiled her perfect smile at Beth, dumping her coat on the back of the chair and collapsing into her seat,

"So Beth, long time no see," Quinn didn't stop grinning, "catch me up."

"urrm," Beth faltered, "I-I haven't been up to much."

"Puck tells me you're great on the guitar."

"So are you and Puck still in contact?" Shelby asked.

Quinn laughed uneasily, "Yeah, we're still _friends._"

"Pucks a great teacher," Beth admitted, "He shows me his screen play too."

"I can't believe his screen play got picked up by a production company." Shelby said, "Who knew that a story about a Jewish girl and a Frank-n-teen and their epic romance would be such a hit?"

"Hmm," Quinn smirked, "My favourite character is the beautiful witch who is in love with the 'Frank-n-teen' but suddenly falls for a rock star."

"I know!" Beth joined in, "I know it's only on a minor channel, but it's got a small fan-base."

"It's crazy, who knew he had it in him." Shelby said.

"So Shelby how's the day-care centre going," Quinn steered the subject away from Puck, "I hear you're caring for the biggest names in broadways, tiny diva-kids."

"It's great Beth helps me out a lot, she plays and sings to help the little ones snooze during nap-time." Shelby replied.

"I'm taking grade three in a couple of months." Beth added.

"I can't wait to hear you play… and sing along if you're comfortable with that." Quinn smiled her perfect smile, she could have asked Beth to present a daytime cooking show in the nude, and Beth would have done it for Quinn.

"You could come hear me play in the leaving concert, it's mostly classical stuff but us guitar people get to do a song, and we sing too." Beth offered.

"I'll be there, I can't believe you're going to High School in September" Quinn said as she gave Beth a funny look. It only lasted a second, it couldn't really have mean anything, it was a sort of intrigued, judgemental sort of look that doctors give when they're sceptical about somebody who insists they're fine.

"Is Puck telling the truth when he says you went into labour on stage?" Beth blurted out.

"Yes, I'd literally left stage for ten seconds and my water broke," Quinn replied.

"Is it true you'd just finished performing sexy and I know it, solo, in your underwear?" Beth asked Quinn threw her head back and laughed hysterically; she wiped a small tear from her eye and replied.

"Puck's just messing with you, besides that song hadn't even been recorded when I had you! Sexy and I know it, in my undies, solo! Puck knows how to make me laugh." By the time they'd finished their food Beth felt much more comfortable with Quinn, who was down to earth and genuine. Unfortunately Beth was still quite uncomfortable with herself, she would blush and look away if Quinn stared at her for too long or glanced at her in a certain way. Shelby didn't notice this and watched the two chat happily, glad that Quinn had matured enough to be 'trusted' around Beth.

All too quickly it was time to say goodbye, Quinn hugged them both promised to call Shelby and gave Beth her email,

"If you need any advice, any help, or just want to chat you send me an email, bye sweetie," Quinn hugged Beth tightly and kissed her on the forehead, "you know, you remind me of me more than I do myself." Quinn waved goodbye to them and they parted ways.

As Shelby and Beth headed home Beth reminded herself of what Quinn had said, _"You remind me of me more than I do myself,"_ what did that mean. Beth thought this over for a while before giving up.

"I'm worried about her," Quinn said as she pulled her robe on to cover her body.

"Babe you don't need to," Puck replied, Quinn's duvet covering his body, "she's got three adults looking out for her she doesn't…"

"May I interject Puck?" Quinn interrupted, Puck nodded. "This is an entirely physical relationship, to relieve ourselves of our personal and professional pressures. This sort of regular hooking up doesn't require the use of the word 'babe'."

"Look," Puck defended himself, "I called you babe out of habit, and Yale turned you posh cos' I didn't understand all of those long words, and I'm a professional writer." Quinn rolled her eyes and crawled back into the rumpled bed, she collapsed with Puck's arm around her.

"This is great: no commitment, no awkwardness, just sex and lots of good company." Quinn nestled herself into Puck.

"Well we never really went out properly, we just had sex and make out sessions," Puck shrugged.

"And a child," Quinn added, "Which brings me back to what I was saying. I'm very worried about Beth. I know what she's going through, I could tell she was embarrassed, I want to offer her my help but I don't want to offend her."

"What's wrong with a few spots and some puppy fat, she's a teenager, it's the prime time for the braces and the glasses combo," Puck pointed out.

"Yeah, and it's the prime time to be judged on your appearance," Quinn added. "When you were her age did you judge girls for having acne and braces and glasses."

Puck nodded embarrassed, "and I judged the girls who looked like mini Miranda Kerr's."

"It's not the same, those girls get the right sort of attention, and Beth's going to attract the wrong sort of attention."

"Who cares, nobody gives a damn about school, as soon as you leave none of it matters anymore," Puck reassured Quinn.

"I can't bare the idea of her being bullied by people because of the way she looks. It will get worse when she goes to High School." Quinn closed her eyes and rested against Puck.

**AN: I've been working on this for a while and I'm finally pleased with chapter 1. Please review and tell me what you think. This took too long to get just right.**


	2. When Quinn was blunt, and Beth wasn't

**AN: For now this is a K+ but i think that will change. chapter 2, enjoy**

_Lucy sat in the library at lunchtime, reading through a text book and eating a tuna sandwich. She was, as usual, alone. She knew that everyone in the study group on the other table was staring at her, and she knew what they were thinking._

_"She's such a loner!"_

_"I can't believe she's still eating!"_

_"It's sad, just so sad."_

_"I'm sure spots like that are contagious."_

_Lucy was well aware of the fact they hated her, but she would have given anything to be sitting with them now. Like she was their friend._

"I want to sign her up for Proactiv." Beth was eavesdropping on Shelby and Quinn, who were 'chatting' in the kitchen.

"Absolutely not," Shelby disagreed, "I'm not turning to her and saying, you need special treatment because you're too spotty."

"You wouldn't say it like that!" Quinn protested.

"This is not up for discussion, Quinn."

"Come on Shelby, it would help her, give her more confidence."

"Quinn I didn't invite you back into Beth's life to help me parent her. This is not a decision for you to make." Shelby was stubborn.

"Look you don't understand what it's like for kids, you don't look a certain way, you're a freak. You fail this or that test, you're stupid. You sleep with someone, you're a slut. They're obsessed with labels," Quinn was just as stubborn.

"So, what are they labelling Beth then?" Shelby asked, "What would you label Beth, Quinn?"

Quinn faltered, "I… I…" she sighed deeply.

"You can't have this conversation with a child without upsetting them!" Shelby almost shouted. Beth was sitting outside the door to the kitchen, hugging her knees, on one hand she was devastated. Quinn HAD noticed how spotty and plain she was, Quinn had seen the side of her Beth tried so hard to distract her from. On the other hand, Quinn wanted to help her. She was making an effort to make Beth happy; to make Beth pretty, what was Beth supposed to say.

_"No Quinn I don't think it's a good idea, I'm perfectly happy being insanely spotty, nobody at school notices or even points it out. It doesn't concern me that I'm ugly or plain, I believe in all that inner beauty bullshit."_

_"Yes I'd love to, I think having clear skin would give me the confidence to stand up and be myself. It would make me a lot happier with myself; it's a generous offer, thank you."_

Beth stood up and opened the door – a little dramatically – she stared back at the two women who were staring at her both burning with guilt. The girl breathed in and out, her words failing her.

"Urr Beth, how much did you…" Shelby began

"I'll do it," Beth announced.

"Are you sure Beth," Quinn asked, "I don't want to over step a line or make you uncomfortable. I just want you to be happy."

"I am happy. But hey, what have I got to lose?" Beth laughed nervously, to break the cripplingly awkward silence.

"Okay Beth, as long as you're okay with it," Shelby smiled giving her daughter a hug.

Beth returned the hug, trying to avoid eye contact, for some reason her cheeks burned furiously, though she wasn't sure why.

"I'll call them up and organise it, then…"

"I've actually got homework," Beth said as she turned to the door, "Thanks Quinn."

As soon as the door clicked behind her Beth sprinted to her room and dived on her bed, breathing in and out quickly. She knew Quinn would have noticed, that she was spotty and fat, and Beth knew that it was a matter of time before Quinn said something. But this was unexpected. She thought Quinn might say something unintentionally offensive then they'd move on, but signing her up for Proactiv. It was kind, it was generous, why did it make Beth feel so insecure? Beth sat up and folded her legs; she stared around her room until her locks with their reflection in the mirror.

"Okay Beth, if you're going to do this, you're going to do this properly."

Puck strutted across the Lobby, he was here for one reason and one reason only, to hit it and quit it. He walked straight across the lobby and straight into the elevator, he pressed the button with confidence. Inside his head he could hear Rock music, he was bad ass, he was epic, he was in control, he was…

He was completely and utterly in love with Quinn Fabray. It was completely ironic, she thought this was totally casual, whilst all he could think about was how many children they'd have and which saloon car he'd buy. It was strange, Senior year Quinn threw herself at him and he had turned her down, now all he wanted to do was be with Quinn. He wanted a serious relationship with her, the sort of relationship with pet-names and matching outfits. The Elevator came to a stop and the doors parted. Puck walked over the corridor and knocked on the door.

Quinn pulled open the door.

"This isn't a brilliant time," she rushed back over to her laptop, starting entering her credit card details. Puck threw his coat over the sofa.

"Okay, I'll go wait in there." Puck smiled, walking across to Quinn's room stripping off his shirt.

Quinn smiled to herself biting her bottom lip nervously; she was ordering Beth's Proactiv. Puck threw his shoes out the door where Quinn could see them. She began to grin, pulling of her baby doll dress, she stared at her reflection in her underwear, she wanted Beth to be happy like she was, not body conscious and feeling terrible.

She pulled her hair out so it was loose. There was a soft knocking at the door. Quinn pulled the door open crack, so she could see who it was,

"Hi Quinn, I'm here to give you the tickets for the concert this Christmas," school bag on her back Beth stood in front of the door, looking uncertainly at Quinn, who was hiding her semi-nude body behind the door.

"Hold-on," Quinn clicked the door shut and pulled her baby-doll dress on, she opened the door to Beth who walked in smiling.

"There in my bag hold on," Beth began to rummage around in her bag. Quinn stood awkwardly shifting from one foot to the other glancing at her bedroom door, she was one hundred per cent sure Puck was completely naked in there.

"Here you go, it's on the seventeenth of July, and get there a bit early and you'll get a better seat." Beth smiled pulling her bag on her back.

Suddenly Puck's muffled voice came from another room, "Quinn where's your…"

"BATHROOM CLOSET!" Quinn shrieked laughing uncomfortably. "My friend Mercedes is staying over, like a slumber party, so better get you home before your mum worries." Quinn turned Beth round and grabbed her car keys, "I'M DRIVING BETH HOME, MER-CE-DES!"

"Wait what?" Puck voice was getting nearer.

"BYE MER-CE-DES!" and before Puck could walk in completely naked Quinn was out the door pulling Beth by her wrist.


	3. When Beth moves on, and Quinn can't

AN: I'm not even going to deny that this is a filler chapter, but i wanted to put some light humour in there before i change the rating and stuff gets a bit serious.

Lucy lay with her head on her pillow staring at the bridesmaid dress, she hated her aunt for making her wear it. She stared at it with uncertainty, wishing she had cardigan in that horrible shade of grey.

Beth sat strumming her guitar gently. Humming along to the optimistic summery tune the guitar group would play. Her teacher tuned a guitar as he watched her play.

**he beckoned her over, **

**Beth handed her guitar over, Mr Woods asked as he twisted the pegs. **

**Beth replied. **

**Beth smiled, she did like Mr Woods. **

**Mr Woods said, returning Beth**they** She stumbled over the next sentence. **

**Mr Woods stared at her, s a big age gap**are you serious this is not a cool gig, can

**Quinn hissed, s important to Beth that wes feeling so self-confident now she**Imma cut you off there,I dons okay that you forced her into me Im improving her cant re-style her like she

**s NOT what I Hi Shelby!d saved for her. **

**m late, two three year olds had a diva-off during story time; I had to call their parents in.**Were their names, Rachel Berry and Kurt Hummel by any chance.t proud of herself. She hated herself.

Quinn hated herself, why did it hurt to see her baby like this. She knew High school would change her like it changed everyone. Why wasnt she love Beth. Quinn wondered if it would be different if Beth was her's not Shelbyd do whatever it took to be the pretty skinny beautiful girl that Quinn wanted.

Beth spent her last day of middle school in an assembly, awards and speeches and slideshows. Beth watched all the kids who bullied her stand up and accept awards for being athletic, popular, high achievers. Beth sat politely through the slide show of pictures, she appeared three times, two of her appearances were in group photos.

Screw Middle School, Beth thought as she flicked through her yearbook, a monkey could have awarded the class favourites.


	4. When Beth starts it and Quinn ends it

AN: Thanks for all the reviews they light up my inbox! So this is another short chapter, i promise i'll do a long one. I'm English so five dollars for a gym per week made sense. don't judge and enjoy! Lucy was in the locker rooms trying to change behind her towel. "Thanks for at least trying to keep the towel up Medusa," Someone smirked shaking their head pityingly. Lucy shifted uncomfortably; she could have sworn she heard someone giggle as she pulled her skirt over her hips. In the bathroom closet there was a set of scales Shelby never used, they were now used frequently by Beth, who pulled them out before her shower. She stood quivering on them, staring uncertainly at her weight. Eventually she came to the conclusion, that number needed to drop, fast. Beth started using the cross trainers at her local gym. Every day after school, she was there, she would pay five dollars for the privilege and slowly, that number began to drop. Soon Beth began to diet, nothing dramatic, just no chocolate, sweets, fizzy drinks, dairy, fats, and anything deep fried. She began to look smaller, nothing to drastic, just slightly. "I made fudge pudding again, seen as you were dieting for our holiday when I last made it," Shelby smiled, "but we're back home, you need to stop dieting now like you promised." "I don't feel well," With a clatter of cutlery Beth jumped up and rushed to her room, she collapsed there. She traced her stomach, it stuck out slightly more than she would have like it to but it had gone down. Beth walked over to her dressing table applying her Proactiv facial mask in liberal amounts. She stared at her reflections, her spots once angry and red had were turning pink, and now she had under skin spots that she fought to eliminate. She could see herself in high school, walking through those halls maybe a cheerleader or some worshipped musician, porcelain skin, her braces had been removed and she had even pearly white teeth, and to top this fantasy she looked exactly like Quinn. Beth pulled her blonde hair out of the pony tail she held it in. It was long and ordinary; maybe she could get honey highlights or some layers maybe even a fringe. "Pucks here Beth," Shelby called up to Beth, "I'm sending him up!" Beth scraped of the mask rinsing her face once over before letting Puck come into here room. "What's up Beth?" Puck asked sitting on her Bed, "I was just with Quinn. She hasn't seen since you went on holiday she says she wants us three to do something in the summer holidays." "Three?" Beth puzzled, "what about mum?" "I-I-I" Puck wished there was a way of saying he wanted to show what good father materiel he'd make, how he could be her boyfriend. "I just thought it would be nice for us to hang out." "hmm I get that," Beth looked at Puck, who stared back critically at her. "Are you okay you look a bit," scary skinny, "pale." "I'm fine god Puck. Why are you on my back, I'm fine, Christ!" "Okay I'll go now," Puck got up, "I'll see you soon, bye Beth." "Puck?! Sorry, I'm just stressed about high school" Puck paused at the door, "Baby those are the least of your worries." Beth had other worries but it was easier to wave goodbye to Puck and not mention her growling stomach, or her self-hate. Puck had other worries… he was in love with a certain Quinn Fabray. It had gone on long enough and he had to tell her before something crazy happened. "What do you want me tell you Puck?" Quinn asked as the two argued. "Tell me you haven't been just in this for the physical stuff; tell me you feel it too!" Puck yelled back. "I told you this was nothing, that I didn't want a relationship!" "You can't do that to me! We have a child, a history; I'm not just some random booty call." Puck ran his hands through his hair. "It's not my fault!" Quinn ran her fingers through her hair. "I know! Perfect Quinn, you thought you'd sail into this city, start having sex with me, become Beth's mum, and then you go and change her, give her that Proactiv, make her all self-conscious." "I'm helping!" Quinn argued back. "Shelby says she's not eating, says she's joined a gym, she's got serious body issues, it's your fault." "Mature, Puck, bring my relationship with Beth into this. Face it you can't handle the fact that this time I'm rejecting you. I don't want you Puck!" With that Puck grabbed his bag and walked out, slamming the door. 


	5. When Beth messes up, and Quinn does too

**AN: sorry this took a while *cough* two months. my bad. I wish i had a good excuse but it was just laziness and writers block. I don't know whether i should change the rating as the theme gets a bit mature?**

_"Ballet? No way Dad. No way, not with leotards and legwarmers and leaps, no, no."_

_"Come on Lucy, it will be fun! I'll buy you a car for high school."_

_Lucy sighed defeated, "okay, sign me up for dancing hell, but the car better be German!"_

_"I don't think so!" Her dad said laughing, "a Chevy maybe."_

Beth arrived home; she'd gone to lunch with Jess. That was a lie. She'd been at the mall with Jess, she'd told Jess that she had to eat lunch at home. That was also a lie. Beth loved finding ways to avoid eating; it felt like a challenge, it was almost fun. Beth went upstairs to change for the gym,

"Beth! Funny Girl is on, I've got popcorn, are you gonna join me?"

"No mum, I'm going to the gym." Beth called back to Shelby.

"You went yesterday," Shelby shouted as Beth pulled on her hoodie.

"It's a membership mum! I intend not to waste it." Beth said tying her trainers

"Beth are you okay!"

"God mum I'm fine," Beth ran down stairs straight into her mum.

"Beth you need to stop look at you, I can't bear to see you diet this much."

"Stop being so uptight, it's my body!" Beth pushed her mum away trying to get to the door.

"go in there, sit down and have some popcorn, it's time to talk!"

"no mum, I'm going to the gym." _No mum I can't bear sitting with you, the way you look at me like I'm a sick puppy. I can't sit still when I know I could be exercising; I can't eat the fatty salty popcorn. I can't go to high school and be the sad little girl again. Don't stop me. _

"Beth Stop!" _Beth stop, I know what you're doing, but I feel powerless, I feel a failure. You're my responsibility and you're ruining yourself. What can I say to make you stop, you ignore me, and you won't talk to me. Please Beth, why won't you let me in. Why won't you stop._

Beth could see her reflection in the glass of the gym as she used the cross trainer. She hated her reflection, nothing worked. She needed to be the skinny little girl, her boyfriend could pick her up and swing her over his shoulder, she could wear miniskirts, and she'd be the size 2 beauty queen Quinn was. The thought of running for Prom Queen like Quinn made her a little giddy.

Quinn sat in the back row of a Broadway show that she couldn't care less about. She loved her job but today picking and dissecting a flawless performance had lost the appeal. She texted Puck for the third time that day. Quinn knew why he was mad but he had to understand that she wasn't the bad guy. She just didn't want to be with him. He was acting childish, it was a bad idea to have a casual relationship with someone you used to love. People always get hurt. Quinn knew that Beth was acting strange, Puck was distraught, and Shelby was off form as well. Why did she have this affect? Was she just a naturel home wrecker.

Puck was on the phone to his boss. "So like a twist before the mid-season hiatus, something to flip the show on its head."

"Exactly," the voice on the other end replied, "something ground breaking that leaves us on a cliff hanger.

"Got it, I'll be done by the fifth." Puck hung up and sat at his desk. He had several emails from Quinn. They all sounded the same _'let's forget it, I need you, let's be friends, come and see me.'_ He ignored them and opened a word document. He came to a blank. Why?

Because Quinn crushed his soul? That was to dramatic. He wasn't okay, let's leave it at that. Puck needed a distracted. He decided to switch on the radio and do that pile of dishes being neglected. Puck pushed the button on the radio and pulled the marigolds on.

_"Why do you build me up Buttercup, baby  
Just to let me down and mess me around  
And then worst of all you never call, baby  
When you say you will but I love you still  
I need you more than anyone, darlin'  
You know that I have from the start  
So build me up Buttercup, don't break my heart"_

Puck threw a plate across the room, screamed in frustration, and threw the radio into the soapy water. Why was it such a happy sounding song?

**AN: Reviews make my day, share the love and constructive criticism!**


	6. When Beth falls, and Quinn can't help

**AN: So this is an embarrasingly short chapter, i'm sorry! It's also a bit confusing so READ IT CAREFULLY! it skips around as bit, but i like it. Thanks so much for all the lovely support it's great to get that email saying i have a review. Here's chapter six... short but horrid**

Beth stared at her figure, her skin spread across her ribs, her cheeks hollow showing off her cheek bones, was it enough? Was she ready for high school, maybe she wasn't ready yet. She sat down and began to do some sit-ups.

"Puck, I haven't seen you since in three weeks. Please don't do this, for Beth's sake. Call me!" Quinn left her voicemail and stared out her apartment window. Why was it all going so wrong?

Puck was in Lima Ohio, sitting in his mother's front room eating Chinese and watching some film starring Leonardo Dicaprio.

"You haven't told me how they all are." His mother asked.

"Shelby's fine!" Puck said.

_Shelby stared at Beth wasting away before her; she didn't know what to do. Her baby needed help._

"Quinn's doing alright."

_"Puck, Shelby called, you were right." Quinn said, her voice breaking on Puck's voicemail._

"Beth's beautiful."

_Beth was lifted into a stretcher, "collapses like this are common with people who suffer eating disorders" the paramedic told Shelby. "it's nobody's fault."_

"Puck!" Quinn said tears streaming down her face as she left a second voicemail, "It's all my fault, I need you!"

**AN: Please review on how you think i should end this story. As i started writing this before Cory died and before Quick got together in 100 i'm not sure about my orignal ending. **

**Guest reviews are 100% welcome and appreciated and cost no time or commitment. **

**Love and kisses Ronelle x**


	7. When Beth got back up, and Quinn did too

**AN: i took a tiny hiatus as i had mock exams, a musical grade, and rehearsals for a play. As well as what i like to call a social life - others disagree. other than that i'm intensely sorry for my lazy slacking ways *slaps self* enjoy x**

_"No one will recognise you… Quinn, can I just call you Lucy." Frannie Fabray applied her sister's lipstick._

_"A new school a new me, I'm Quinn now, Lucy's gone." Quinn Fabray said staring at herself in the mirror._

Beth looked around the room she shared with to other girls, if she wasn't here she'd be in freshman orientation. Beth stared at the slip-knot posters that adorned Marie's bed, and the One Direction posters adorning Sylvie's bed. She didn't have anything against them, but she would much rather be at freshmen orientation. Maybe she was the only person on the planet who wanted to be in school.

She watched the clock tick by until three o'clock; she'd just missed her first day of high school. This was ten million times worse; she would join later and be the new loser girl with a freaky eating disorder that made everyone uncomfortable. She lay on her bed, letting the tears escape she was so stupid, she wished her mum could visit her, she'd gone off Quinn a bit since then, the girl that made her feel this way. She wished Quinn didn't visit so much.

Quinn rung Shelby's bell, she hadn't seen Shelby since Beth had been put in hospital. Shelby opened the door and froze for a second before inviting Quinn in politely, but with no affection.

"I'm here to…" Quinn ran her fingers through her hair.

"I'm listening," Shelby stared at Quinn her eyes harsh and cold.

"I guess I want to apologise, and explain, and just try and make this right."

"I'm a forgiving person Quinn, I forgave you for trying to convict me of being an unfit mother, I forgave you for trying to take Beth, and everything else. But I don't think I can forgive you for the part you played in this."

"whether you forgive me or not I want you to know that I'm so so so sorry. I made mistakes when I was first allowed back into Beth's life and I promised myself I wouldn't make them again.

"You just made entirely different even more horrific mistakes." Shelby stared at Quinn.

Quinn didn't know where to go from here, she couldn't use her past as an excuse, she couldn't walk away and never explain why her past made her act like this. She couldn't just stand there and not try to make this right.

"I can never re-write this history, these are my mistakes to carry forever. And I'm to blame you mustn't blame yourself. I triggered these emotions in Beth, I set this downward spiral in motion."

"I blame myself for not getting help sooner, but the rest is all you." Shelby agreed, "it's you encouraged her."

"I need to tell you something about myself."

"you had a teen pregnancy! You fell of the rails! I KNOW QUINN BUT I HANDLED BEING IN RACHEL'S LIFE! WHY COULDN'T YOU HANDLE BETH!" Shelby closed her eyes and contained herself, "you bring destruction wherever you go."

Quinn ran her hands through her hair wishing she could scream and scream wishing that Shelby would understand.

"I'm trying to find the words to explain, but…" Quinn stamped her foot and swallowed hard, "When I was in middle school, I was just like Beth."

"what?" Shelby furrowed her brow.

"I was fat, chubby, spotty, no one liked me, I didn't have any friends. I was no good. I felt like everywhere I went people would stare at me. Every time I ate people judged me. Every lesson I sat alone, and people pitied me. But everyone hated me. And I hated myself for wanting them to love me. I hated the fact that I was jealous of them. Those pretty little girls that could be lifted up by their boyfriends, and stand on the top of a cheerleading pyramid."

Quinn sighed: "I had this day dream that there would be this pretty new girl, and everyone would want to be her friend, but she would want to be my friend. She'd make me into this beautiful bewitching new person. And everything would be okay. I thought that Beth needed this, she needed someone to help her."

I wanted to help her.

I didn't mean to bring her crashing back down."

Shelby walked across the kitchen and held Quinn, and the two women stood in silence. Nothing was quite fixed or forgiven, but at least they understood.

Puck sat opposite Quinn, "I can give you fifteen minutes and don't give me a big speech about yourself because I don't fucking care Quinn. Just apologise."

"I'm sorry Puck." Quinn hands shook as she gripped her coffee, "I thought moving to new York would be great for you me and Beth, but I fucked up. I'm sorry."

"I love you Quinn, that's the pathetic thing, after it all I still love you so much. But I'm not sure I want to."

"isn't it weird, Sophomore year we didn't know what we wanted, junior year we were all over other people, senior year I wanted you… and now it's just messed up."

"yeah, well I think we can leave it here for now, see you around, Quinn."

"bye Puck!" Quinn took a sip of her coffee. Puck leant over and whispered in her ear

"for your peace of mind. I forgive you."

Puck handed in his script, he'd finished it last night, he watched his boss open the first page and read. Puck sat there for ten minutes watching him read. Finally he set the script down.

"It's very different the Beautiful Witch convincing the Jewish girl she needs to lose weight. The Rock star confessing his love, and being shunned. The Jewish girls inner-struggle. It's so raw, fresh and edgy just the perfect mid-season plot twist to get us a hit!" The Boss grinned at Puck

"Thank-you sir," Puck said returning the grin, "it came from the heart."

"The endings quite sad though Noah, can we adapt that?

"No. Real life doesn't always end happily. No one can change how they feel, I wish they could but this isn't a cheesy Rom-Com. Sometimes help comes too late, sometimes you're offered it when you're not in need, sometimes you're screaming for help and it doesn't come. But life does that, the bad guys aren't always bad, the good guys just don't understand them. Human beings are complex, we feel emotions that no other species experiences. It's time we addressed that."

"But, it's so sad."

"Don't jump to conclusions, you haven't read the next episode yet."

Beth had been allowed out the hospital for the afternoon. And because she's beth she'd asked to go to a coffee shop concert and watch the comeback of Pucks show after a hiatus.

"The last episode was so sad," Beth said as she cuddled with Shelby under the cosy blanket.

"are you mad that he used your eating-disorder as inspiration?" Shelby asked.

"no funnily enough, he sort of got it right you know. I feel better knowing that he gets it, and it's important to have some positive representation. There's this stigma around eating disorders, that we do it for attention that it's not a real issue. They don't realise it's also effects our mental health. Some of the girls I'm in hospital with are suicidal; thank god I don't feel that way. Puck portrayed it like I wanted him to: With delicate understanding."

"and how do you feel."

"not quite better, but like I could be."

"I'm glad!" Shelby grinned kissing Beth's head, "now let's shush, it's starting.

Quinn was at her laptop finishing her scathing review of a downtown performance of _The Fiddle on the Roof _when her phone buzzed.

**Puck: Put my show on now!**

Quinn picked her remote up and turned it on:

_"I know you said that you don't love me too, but"_

Quinn stared at the screened intently

_"I have a feeling we're not done. I am aware how clingy and stupid it is, and I know you've already shot me down and broke my heart. Anyone with a brain would stop pursuing you. But you keep calling me, and I keep finding you next to me. It's just I love you and if there's the slightest possibility of us somehow finding what we used to have. I'll ask you once more, then I'll leave you to live your life without me. Would you possibly want to love me back my dear?"_

Quinn froze on the spot as the credits rolled slowly across the screen. She reached subconsciously for her phone and dialled the all too familiar number.

"Hello," the all too familiar voice answered.

"Hi Puck,"

"so… did you enjoy the show."

Quinn grinned: "I think the speech at the end was awkward, I means she's made her choice, he needs to accept that and move on. No means no, it doesn't mean ask again later."

"Urrm okay, I wasn't planning on them…" Puck began nervously.

"However sometimes, when you know someone well, you know when they are rushing into a decision. I think sometimes when you ask a girl again -once all the shit in her life has been cleared up- she may be glad of a second chance. Just maybe…"

"would you like to let me love you Quinn Fabray?"

"no, I'd like to love you back."

"I love you."

"I love you."

"these episodes just right themselves!" Puck grinned before hanging up.

**AN: So there we are! I want to leave it here, but if you think i should continue just let me know. I thought up this story ages ago before 100 and before Cory died, so my original ended involved a Finchel engagement. I had to scrap that idea because it broke my heart to write it. I really enjoyed writing this and i hope you enjoyed reading it. if you are kind enough to review I promise I'll bake you biscuits in heart shapes.**

_I've been a fool and I've been blind_

_I can never leave the past behind_

_I can see no way, i can see no way_

_It's always darkest before the dawn_

Ronelle xoxo


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